


sweet lies

by replayongs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, I can’t tag, Kaihun - Freeform, M/M, One-Shot, sekai - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:49:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/replayongs/pseuds/replayongs
Summary: sehun always lied to jongin.-- named after exo's "sweet lies" --





	sweet lies

Sehun was sick. He wasn't going to deny it. He was as sick as a dog. Constantly bed-ridden, he could barely leave his house. He constantly choked on throaty coughs, constantly was laying awake at night in pain—it was bad. 

However, he did deny his illness to Jongin. He didn't want Jongin to know he was dying.

Jongin would call him up everyday, asking why he wasn't at school. Sehun would just say he has the flu and will be back at school soon.

He was lying. He knew he wouldn't be back. It hurt to move, but it hurt more to continuously lie to Jongin like this. He was diagnosed with lung cancer a couple of months ago. He was not a smoker—he was told that it was due to mass amounts of exposure to fumes, exhaust and smoke.

The doctor said that Sehun had lung cancer for a while before that, but since his parents had just chalked his coughing and hacking up to just being a cold, he wasn't diagnosed until recently.

And since it went untreated for so long, his cancer developed rather quickly and, well, the doctor told him he didn't have long left to live. So, instead of telling his friends and Jongin, he just lied and said he just had the flu and that he'd be fine.

Lies, lies, lies.

His mother knocked on the door, and Sehun looked up from his iPad, eyes red and bloodshot. He blinked in confusion.

"What's up?" He asked, voice croaky. She smiled sadly.

"It's Jongin. He's in the living room." She said softly. Sehun's already pale face drained of colour, eyes blowing wide.

"Why is he..." he choked on his words, tearing the drip out of his arm. His mother panicked, dashing forwards as he stumbled out of bed. He held his hand up, signalling her that he was fine.

He slowly walked down the hall into the living room where his best friend sat on the couch, back to him. Sehun inhaled deeply, shakily, before walking around the couch to stand before Jongin.

The older male stood to his feet, eyes wide. "Sehun!" He dashed forwards, enveloping the taller male in a tight embrace. Sehun stumbles back slightly, but wrapped his arms around the older.

His heart was pounding rapidly, tears stinging his eyes. He buried his nose into the crook of Jongin's neck, inhaling his sweet scent.

He was going to miss this.

"Where have you been, Hunnie?" Jongin gently pushed him away, voice quivering. The shorter's dark eyes were brimming with tears, plush lips quivering. "I thought you were avoiding me."

Sehun scrunched his brows in confusion, tilting his head to one side. "Avoiding you? Why would I do that?"

Jongin's mouth fell open and he blinked. "You...didn't figure it out?" He asked lowly, voice wavering. Sehun frowned, clearly confused.

"Figure out what, Nini?"

Jongin shook his head, forcing a small smile. "I gotta go, I'll see you around." He turned to leave, letting go of the taller male. Sehun's frown deepened and he snatched Jongin's hand as he turned away.

"No, figure out what?" Sehun asked, voice gravelly. Jongin stared at the floor, irises quivering as they filled with tears. Sehun tilted his head, worry consuming his entire being. "Jongin, tell me."

"It's nothing, really." Jongin tried to pull away, but Sehun just tugged him back. The olde fell into Sehun, stumbling. "Sehun! Just let go!" He cried, the tears brimming his eyes but not yet falling. Sehun cupped his cheeks gently, thumbs brushing below the shorter's eyes.

"Jongin. Tell me. Please." He whispered, voice taking on a begging tone. Jongin looked away.

"I...I thought you figured out that I love you."

Sehun's jaw fell slack, eyes blowing wide. "You...what?"

Jongin flinched, lips curling into a frown. "I thought you were avoiding me because you figured out how I really felt about you." He inhaled shakily. "I...I've loved you for so long now, Sehun."

Sehun remained frozen, jaw slack.

Jongin loved him? Jongin loved...him?

Sehun's heart burst, and he felt tears prickle his eyes. He couldn't hurt Jongin like this. He was going to die, and Jongin would be hurting. Sehun didn't want that to happen. He couldn't bare the thought of Jongin in pain because of his passing.

He inhaled shakily. He'd have to turn Jongin down, turn him away. That way, it would hurt Jongin less when he died. It would hurt, he knew it would, it would hurt both of them, but at least Jongin wouldn't hurt as much afterwards.

"I'm sorry." Sehun whispered, dropping his hands from Jongin's cheeks. The older stared at him, eyes wide.

"What?" He asked shakily. Sehun looked away, hurriedly wiping at his own tears to stop them from falling. 

"I don't love you back." A lie. "I never did." Another lie. Lie after lie, that was the only thing he could tell Jongin wasn't it?

Jongin whimpered, tears falling down his cheeks. Sehun could feel his heart crack into splinters at the horrible expression on the older's face. He wanted to apologise, Say that he lied, and that he loved Jongin more than anything in the world. He wanted to say that he was dying, that he didn't want to die, that he didn't want to leave Jongin. He wanted to collect the shorter into his arms and kiss him into oblivion, show him how much he loved him—but he resisted those urges.

He had to push the one he loved most away.

"You...you're lying, right?" Jongin choked out, voice cracking. Sehun inhaled deeply, trying to keep his face cold and stoic—a mask to hide his emotional state.

"No, why would I lie to you?" Nonsense. "I don't love you Jongin. You know that I'm not gay. Why would I ever love you?"

Jongin stared at the ground, the words piercing his heart like a knife. Stab after stab, they pierced him like shards of glass, his emotions bleeding out of the wounds.

"...is that how you really feel?" He asked after an eternity of silence. His voice was small, and he looked broken, vulnerable. Sehun never thought he'd see Jongin ever look like this, and he was the cause of it all.

Sehun nodded slowly, crossing his arms across his chest. "Yes."

Jongin choked on a dry sob, covering his face with his hands. "I shouldn't have said anything."

Jongin had never looked like this before, had never broke down like this before. At least, not in front of him.

"I'm sorry." This was the only truth to slip past his dry lips. His heart was pounding heavily, his lungs screaming to cough. He wanted to cling to Jongin and cry, sob and tell him that he didn't mean any of it. "You should go." Is what left his lips instead.

Jongin nodded, cheeks stained red, clear tear streaks glistening on his skin. He turned, grabbing his bag and slowly walking out the front door. He shut it softly behind him, and as soon as the catch clicked, Sehun collapsed in a fit of tears.

He sobbed into his hands, choking on his spit.

He was a horrible person.

 

* * *

 

He lay in bed, breath laboured, lungs tight. The moon shone in bright white slices of light across his face, illuminating his pale skin. He turned his head to stare out the window at the beautiful moon and sparkling stars littered across the velvet black sky.

Was Jongin looking at the moon too? It had been two weeks since the older confessed. He had heard not one word from Jongin—and that was how he wanted it. At least, that's what his head tried to convince his heart to believe.

His lips curled up gently, eyes slipping shut. 

What would he have done if he accepted Jongin's confession? If he wasn't dying?

Would they hold hands? Would they share milkshakes? Would they go out on dates? Would they kiss? Would they have sex?

All these scenarios raced through his head, tears drooling down his pale and hollowed cheeks. He sobbed softly, covering his face with his hands.

He loved Jongin, more than anything in the world. He wanted to hold Jongin's warm hands, he wanted to brush his thumb over the older's knuckles and watch as he blushed and smiled shyly. He wanted to press his own pale lips to Jongin's pretty plush ones. He always wondered how soft they would be, how moist they would be. They always looked so soft to touch, he imagined kissing Jongin—it was chaste, sweet, beautiful.  

He wanted to kiss his way down the older's beautiful body, he wanted to make love to him. But no, fate hated him. Fate had another plan for him, one that didn't involve Jongin.

Perhaps they just weren't meant to be.

He smiled sadly, breath slowly halting in his lungs. His heartbeat slowed until it stopped. The last thing on his mind was Jongin. Jongin. Jongin.

He closed his eyes, his world permanently fading to black.

 

* * *

 

Jongin sat in homeroom, an unsettling feeling pooling in the pit of his stomach. His heart wrenched painfully, his eyes bloodshot and alert. He hadn't slept at all for the past two weeks. Sehun's rejection was plaguing his mind. The niggling feeling that Sehun was keeping something from him also never left his mind.

He looked up when the door to the classroom opened, a very sullen-looking Mrs. Oh walking in. The teacher was confused, but asked her what she wanted. her gaze washed over the class, halting on Jongin.

"I need to talk to Jongin," she said. Her voice was hoarse. Jongin frowned and stood, following her out of the classroom.

Once he shut the door behind him, he studied her face. Tear-stricken cheeks, heavy bags sagging below bloodshot eyes—she looked horrible.

"Mrs. Oh? What's the matter?" His voice was quiet, catching in his throat. She inhaled shakily, tears falling down her pale hollowed cheeks.

"Sehun...he..." she broke off, swallowed thickly. She rummaged through her handbag for something—pulling out a folded piece of lined paper. "Here. Sehun will explain it to you." She handed him the paper, and Jongin cautiously took it, unfolding it.

* * *

 

 

_Dear Nini,_

_I'm sorry for lying, for keeping this from you. By the time you read this, I'll be dead. No, I didn't commit suicide. I never told you but...I was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was severe, and I didn't have long left to live. That's why I wasn't at school. I wasn't avoiding you, I just couldn't get out of bed._

_I couldn't bring myself to tell you that I was dying. So when you came to my house that day and confessed, I felt like my heart was going to burst. To hear you say you loved me made me feel the happiest I had ever felt._

_Everything I said after that was a lie. I've always loved you. I always will, even in death. Clearly, fate didn't want us together. I wish I could have had the balls to confess sooner, so we could have been boyfriends, so we could have dated, so we could have held hands, so we could have kissed, so we could have made love._

_I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for everything._

_I love you, Kim Jongin, so much._

_Love from Oh Sehun._

 

* * *

 

Jongin sobbed loudly, collapsing to his knees. He clutched the letter to his chest, wailing uncontrollably. His heart felt empty, it hurt. He hurt. He was in pain. Why didn't Sehun tell him? Why did Sehun leave?

His mother watched with forlorn eyes, tears dripping down her cheeks. "He passed last night in his sleep. I'm sorry," she choked on her own sob, covering her face.

He whimpered loudly, shakily standing to his feet. "I should...be the one...to apologise." He choked out between sobs. He finally looked down at her, staring her in the eye. "Is he still...at home?"

She nodded slowly. "For now. The morgue is coming to collect him soon."

He turned and ran. She called after him, but he ignored her, running until his lungs screamed for air.

Sehun's house came into view, and he felt like he was going to throw up. He burst into the house, rushing up the stairs and into Sehun's bedroom. He threw open the door and froze in the doorway.

Sehun lay on the bed, motionless, pale, beautiful. Jongin cried his name, dashing over to him and grasping his shoulders.

No response.

"Sehun! Wake up!" He screamed, shaking him. Sehun's body shook limply like a rag doll, motionless. "Please wake up! You cant leave me like this! You cant leave me!" He cried, collapsing onto the bed, burying his face into Sehun's chest.

Nothing. Cold. Empty.

He wailed loudly, fingers tangling into the fabric of Sehun's nightshirt. "Please...please don't leave me...don't leave me." He sobbed, body shaking uncontrollably. He looked up, chin resting on the younger's peaceful face. Tears stained Jongin's red cheeks, snot running from his nose.

He sat up and gently pressed a chaste kiss full of love and anguish.

"I love you. Please don't go."

**Author's Note:**

> I’m tired and depressed so have a depressing one-shot. :) I’m horrible.


End file.
